The New York Times yesterday featured a highly deceitful article written by two Iraq War cheerleaders. In it Ken Pollack and Michael O’Hanlan paraded themselves as “war critics” who after a recent trip to Baghdad realized the surge was working and that the United States was going to win in Iraq.

Well it turns out that’s all bullshit. Bullshit and more lies.

Pollack and O’Hanlan were never critics of the war in Iraq, they remain long-time supporters of the war and have been ever since its inception in 2003. As usual Glenn Greenwald at Salon.com does an excellent job eviscerating the article and their claims to have “seen the light” after their most recent trip to Iraq.

It’s quite sad that the New York Times, the paper of record in this country, has learned nothing from its failure to properly peer through the web of lies and obfuscation the Bush administration presented to it in 2002 and 2003. When the paper prints such an outrageous and overblown example as Pollack and O’Hanlan’s piece without properly checking the facts it demeans itself as well as its readers.

Much has been made of both Mitt Romney’s Mormonism and his constant flip-flops on policy questions like abortion and gay rights. Some chalk it up to opportunism but I chalk it up to a specific tenet of the Mormon church - a doctrine called “Lying for the Lord.“

What is “Lying for the Lord?” Essentially it’s a Mormon doctrine which states that it’s OK to deceive and obfuscate to protect the church. Along with blood atonement and polygamy the LDS church claims “Lying for the lord” is not in practice anymore, but unlike polygamy, which is still practiced by around 50,000 Mormons, “Lying for the Lord” has never been renounced by the church.

So when you hear Mitt Romney switch positions on yet another issue in order to better pander to some segment of the Republican party you should remember that the Mormon church has been doing the exact same thing for years now.

When someone is raised to believe it’s OK to lie to protect their faith how are we ever to believe their promise, if elected president, to uphold the Constitution and pay fealty to the law if it conflicts with their religion? In Romney’s case he’s already said his faith comes first. So when the inevitable conflict arises between the Constitution and an article of the Mormon church we know which one will come out on top.

This is one of many photos of the crazy bitches from “Breasts not Bombs” and “Code Pink” who stormed the opening of Hillary Clinton’s new campaign office in San Francisco yesterday.

My question is: Are breasts normally this saggy? Bitch doesn’t have silvah-dollah nipples - bitch has nipples the size of dinner plates.

Netflix’s site has been down now for longer than 16 hours. I dropped three DVDs in the mail yesterday and last night logged on to update my queue. I received the message that the site was down and would be back up at 2:00 AM PST. Today I logged on again at around 12:00 PM PST and got the message the site would be back up at 4:00 PM PST. It’s now 3:19 PM PST and Netflix is no longer listing ANY time they expect to be back up - that must be one hell of an outtage. Update: Netflix is back up at 3:22 PM PST.

Owe - and owing to a power failure here in San Francisco both Yelp and Craig’s List are also down. Not to mention Towleroad. What the hell is going on?

It’s my turn to host our bi-weekly gathering of friends this Thursday so I decided to make a traditional Valencian paella. I’ve had seafood paella before but traditional paella uses rabbit or chicken but never meat and seafood together. So today my BF and I drove over to Berkeley Bowl to buy a whole gutted and skinned rabbit, which while I was thrilled to find (my BF was aghast) I’m a bit clueless on how to actually USE. I mean - the bones are still in it and everything and I’ve never deboned a rabbit. I’m sure I’ll figure it out.

When I make these special meals I tend to be a bit of a puritan, insisting on only locally-grown vegetables and meat and even seeking out organic California olive oil in-place of the traditional imported kind. I really enjoy cooking and normally am not such a fanatic, but in this case I really made an effort to find that rabbit and accompany it with the usual paella tidbits, things like fava beans and fresh peas, baby squash and sweet Spanish paprika. I’m going to post a picture when it’s made.

Such are my worries in the short break I have between the end of classes at Berkeley and my return to NYU at the end of August.

San Francisco has a sad tradition of city supervisors who, finding themselves marginalized by their colleagues, become slightly or majorly unhinged and then go gonzo. The most famous of these was Dan White, the city supervisor who resigned from the Board and then changed his mind and asked mayor George Moscone to re-appoint him to his seat. The mayor refused so Dan White took a gun to city hall and then assassinated the mayor and city supervisor Harvey Milk. Allegedly he had been planning on assassinating two additional city supervisors, including Willie Brown - who later became mayor.

I bring this up because supervisor Chris Daly has been exhibiting behavior that has led some to conclude he could turn out to be the Dan White of the left. The comparisons are myriad - and frightening:

1. Dan White originally started out as a cooperative and friendly politician but then became increasingly angry and confrontational when he was unable to get any of his initiatives passed. Chris Daly too used to be an effective supervisor but has now been stripped of his chairman seat on the finance committee and is the only city supervisor to not sit on a single committee. This week he menaced a fellow supervisor and in 2001 he did the same to Willie Brown, who later said that Daly reminded him of Dan White. On Tuesday Daly also walked out of a board meeting muttering to himself, “Daly is radioactive, no one wants to touch Daly.”
2. Dan White’s fast descent into murdererous rage was helped by the fact that he felt himself a spokesperson for embattled working-class San Francisco - the old, Catholic Irish and Italian part of San Francisco that felt alienated from newer arrivals to the city like gays. White cast himself as their “defender” and opposed measures protecting gay and women’s rights, which aliented him from his fellow Board members. Chris Daly says he too speaks for the “other” San Francisco and has cast himself as a defender of those whose voices aren’t heard at city hall - exactly like Dan White except Chris uses the language of the left while White used that of the right. The biggest similiarity between the two is the escalating series of tantrums and estrangement that both White and Daly felt as their influence ebbed among the other members of the Board.

These are only two of many reasons I believe people should be very concerned about Chris Daly’s sad and frightening descent. His blog is obsessed with what he sees as “conspiracies” against him by the mayor and other supervisors, he regularly posts at midnight or 1:00 in the morning (strange behavior for a parent with a small child) and he believes the SF Chronicle and the Examiner are in league against him. In short - Supervisor Daly sees himself cornered and wounded and everyone knows that cornered, wounded animals are extremely unpredictable and dangerous.

I understand the need to guard student’s private information, but certain universities make it quite difficult to get a copy of one’s transcript - even when the person requesting the transcript is a current student and is asking the for the transcript to be sent to his current address - the same one the university has on file as his permanent address!!!

I love it when two old bitches go at it - and all the better when they’re two old bitches who used to work together and now are forced to spend 30 weeks with each other on the road!

Joan Collins and Linda “Lips” Evans starred together in a tour of the play “Legends.” What follows are the juiciest bits of Joan’s recollections of her time with Linda Evans, her co-star on the 80’s TV flick “Dynasty.”

Autumn 2005

I’m not thrilled when Ben suggests Linda Evans to play Leatrice. We starred together for nine years in the TV series Dynasty - she played saintly Krystal and I played bitchy Alexis.

However, I’m convinced she’s always disliked me, since she rarely spoke to me on set. Ben tells me that he’s talked to Linda and “she’s (pause) fond of you”.

“I don’t believe her,” I say. “She needs the work, and for God’s sake, she’s never been on stage at all - and she wasn’t even that good on TV!”

Late August 2006:

New York: Linda arrives at first rehearsal with cosmetic-surgery tape over and under her eyelids and underneath her chin. Naturally, the cast all pretend to ignore this, but it’s obvious she’s come straight from either the face-lift shop or a car crash.

She also has the weirdest collagen-enhanced lips I’ve ever seen. In fact, she epitomises the expression ‘trout pout’, with those huge lips that make her look like a gargoyle when she smiles. It’s quite off-putting to have to look at that face, which used to be so pretty, and pretend not to notice.

Everyone who sees Linda is shocked by how she’s spoiled her looks.

As time wears on, Linda gets better and grows in confidence - although her acting coach tells me: “Her body language is not good and she has very little stage presence.”

September 2006: Toronto - first preview

Once we’re into technical rehearsals, Linda starts pulling herself together and her confidence balloons. Unfortunately, what tends to happen when an unseasoned actor feels comfortable on stage is that they get carried away and lose control.

Unfortunately, her confidence has grown so much that she gives me an almighty shove that sends me flying on to my knees. The thud is so resounding that I hear the audience gasp in sympathy.

(For the next six weeks, I need therapy on my left knee for the bursitis and pain caused by the impact of my whole weight falling on it.)

I note that Linda hasn’t even asked if I’m OK - it’s as if nothing has happened.

More complications: we have to restage the fight scene to cut down on all the running around in order not to aggravate my injury. Then, on the second night, Linda suddenly throws my wig at me with the accuracy of a sniper - I have to duck to prevent it from striking me in the face.

September 14

Linda scrapes a spoon across my chin on stage while I’m speaking. This really p***es me off. You never invade another actor’s space.

October 5

My agent, Peter Charlesworth, sees the show.

Backstage, Linda comes over to him and says: “Are you Joan’s agent? I must meet Joan’s agent!”

Peter replies: “That’s me.”

“Well,” Linda says, “you must have a strong constitution!”

I can’t give Linda points for original wit, since she was quoting a line from the play, but she gets full marks for bitchiness - which she usually keeps well under wraps. I always suspected she was a “closet bitch”.

October 15

The reviews come out. The critics loathe the script and the direction: “ham-handed, limp direction,” “mothballed script” and so on. And they’re right.

How am I going to endure another 25 weeks of this? God give me strength.

October: A few days after the opening

My finger is in agony because Linda kicked it last night.

When I pushed her on to the sofa, her “wicked-witch-of-the-west” pointy boots shot up and smashed into my right hand.

It was just a matter of time. Her enormous feet have hit me in the elbow once before, and they caught my wrist the previous week - but I’ve just suffered in silence.

When a reporter asks her about my bandaged hand a few days later, Linda sniffs: “Well, we didn’t have to call the paramedics.”

October 24: Philadelphia

Linda and I are barely speaking.

I still can’t believe she’s never apologised for almost breaking my finger.

October 30

What’s going on?

I feel tremendous negative vibes, yet I have the hardest role - on stage most of the time and with many more lines than anyone.

November 2

She has no conception that this kind of activity might be difficult for others, so she treats me with contempt because I refuse to get physical with her.

She’s always talking about “motivation” and the “objective of the scene” - as if she’s Dame Edith Evans and the play is Tolstoy.

Tonight, she tries to upstage me by mugging (making faces) during my big speech! Unbelievable.

November 15: East Lansing, Michigan

What a dump! Freezing cold - so, of course, I get sick.

The doctor says I’m suffering from a viral infection, probably brought about by utter exhaustion and stress. Frankly, I feel Ben Sprecher has contributed to this.

Why doesn’t he let some steam off on Dame Edith, with her endless pauses, slow delivery and tiny little voice that no one can hear?

November 24: Washington DC

Dame Edith decides to put in an extra line at the end of the play - without telling anyone!

Not only that, but this time Linda even speaks over my last line. When I come off stage, I call to her but she ignores me.

So I yell: “Linda, you can’t say an unscripted line before curtain without telling anybody.”

She has the gall to respond: “Well, you’re putting lines in all the time.”

“That is not true,” I say - then we have a contretemps in front of the entire company.

When I say: “I think we should sort this out now,” she replies: “I’ve got better things to do,” and stalks off.

As she goes, I say: ‘” don’t think that’s very professional.”

She screws her head around - like Linda Blair in The Exorcist - and a demonic croak comes out of her mouth: “Well, you’re unprofessional!”

She obviously hates me and is jealous of my happiness with Percy.

At the following week’s press conference, I’m asked for the umpteenth time: “What’s the difference between you and Linda?”

This time, I chirp: “I have three lovely houses in London, New York and the south of France, I’m happily married to a great guy, I have three wonderful children and three gorgeous grandkids; Linda lives in Seattle with lots of horses.”

Bitchy, perhaps, but true.

November 26

After a couple of tense days on stage (I can’t bear to look at that plastic face), I find I suddenly can’t remember the word “ruthless” in one of my speeches - so I pull the word “devious” out of thin air and continue with my line.

anuary 26: Los Angeles

Two weeks of relative peace until the director and stage manager summon me to Linda’s dressing-room because I’m apparently p***ing her off again.

I’ve discovered a funny piece of slapstick (I careen into the mantelpiece, slowly slide down on to a stool and then fall off it) which has been seen by everyone over the last two weeks. No one’s complained - on the contrary, I’ve received a lot of laughter and praise for it.

But Linda’s been silently fuming because, again, it “cuts into her moment”.

February 11: Denver, Colorado

It’s a good thing I’m extremely resilient. Nevertheless, I’m finding it a massive chore even to look at Linda’s face and hear her deliver her lines over and over again in the same monotonous way.

May 1: Raleigh, North Carolina

A few days before closing night, ‘Lips’ Evans tries some of her onstage antics again. She’s started mimicking my gestures - I suspect she thinks it’s naturalistic acting. If I put my hands behind my head, she does. If I stand up, she does. If I sit down, she does. It’s like some bizarre game of Simon Says. Perhaps she’s finally trying to vary things, poor dear.

New York: May 10 - four days after closing

The fourth finger on my right hand is so swollen and painful that I haven’t worn a ring on it for six months. An eminent specialist tells me I’ve developed a huge cyst - right where Linda kicked me. There’s only one thing for it: a steroid injection right into the knuckle.

This is the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. In front of the doctor, Percy, three internists and one nurse, I let out a God-awful shriek that probably reverberates across the hallowed halls and makes the ECG machines jump off their marks.

The south of France: This week

Until the final weeks, Ben was asking me to reconsider my refusal to go to Broadway with Legends. But there’s no way I could work with Lips Evans again.

Thank God it’s over!

Assorted euro-trash lovers, fluttering queens and other LA poseurs welcomed the arrival of King and Queen of CHAVland Posh and David Beckham to Los Angeles last night.

The domestic press is all a’ twitter. Personally I fail to understand why the arrival of a fading English soccer star and his skeletal silicone-enhanced wife is such a newsworthy event. These two climbers have been attempting to “conquer” America for years - and up to this point with little success. Who really cares about their arrival? She possesses no talent other than pulling-off the seemingly impossible by shoving two basketballs under the skin on her chest, and he, while quite cute, is past his prime.

In the best tradition of America accepting the wretched I extend a welcome to our newest noveau-riche couple and wish them all the best in the land of eternal McDonalds, endless wars and all the night-time 24-hour convenience store food you can eat.

Now this shit is exciting! Chris Daly has moved his blog from a city-owned server (probably because he was violating campaign laws against using city property for political purposes) and now has his own fresh little site where he’s taking shitloads of abuse - and dishing it back!!

His bizarre little blog is weirdly obsessed with our glorious mayor. I mean - it’s really quite sickening. Daly’s got pictures of Gavin, old society columns etc… It just goes on and on. Like other strange personality-disordered bloggers he also seems to have an infatuation with Dede Wilsey. If Chris weren’t married with kids I might suspect he’s gay and secretly obsessed with Gavin. More likely he’s just pissed off he’s effectively been politically neutered due to his recent removal from the budget committee.

You gotta give the man props - he’s probably one of the most unpopular people in San Francisco and yet he openly scraps with people on a blog and doesn’t appear to censor any comments. Despite the fact I loath Chris Daly and think he’s pretty much an unreconstructed Castro-loving socialist, I am impressed with his capacity to absorb abuse. Stop over and pay Chris a visit!!!