Trip Recap
The trip to visit my mother and grandmother in Arizona was an unpleasant one for many reasons. It was a long drive, was extremely hot there (at one point it was 111 degrees) and my grandmother has lung cancer in both of her lungs. In short - the trip was one to visit my grandmother before she dies, which after seeing her deterioration I believe will happen in less than 3 months.
My grandmother had always been a powerful presence in my life. Part-Choctaw, lean and strong, my memories of her are of riding horses on our ranch in Colorado, gathering puffball mushrooms and watercress for dinner, growing gourds, pumpkins and corn in the garden and lighting kerosene lamps at night. She insisted on teaching my brother and sister and I how to count in Choctaw and would make is recite it back to her until every word was exactly correct. She always seemed capable of doing anything, always powerful and commanding.
So seeing her as she is now, shrunken, aged and disoriented, was a huge shock to me. I realize she’ll be gone very soon and all I’ll be left with are those memories of her at her best. She once rode and broke horses other people were afraid to even get near. Now she sits by herself in a room in the desert with an oxygen tank next to her and dreams of those same times as the cancer drains her body and spirit. It hurts me terribly to see this happening.
It was nice spending time with my sister and my mom on this trip. But I was sad to see Sabra go yesterday. As members of my family die, including my father earlier this year and my grandmother soon, I’m reminded more and more of how much I love them all.
Damn. Sorry to hear the state of your grandma. It’s sad. I have a similar type situation although not there yet.
My 82 yr.old maternal grandmother lives home with my parents in Long Island. She’s still in OK shape… not dying immediately as far as I know. But I kindda know what you mean. Death in the family.. although.. that has not happened yet, I can imagine how painful it would be. All the regret of could have should haves and the fond family memories that will be treasured.
It would be quite sad. Why dont I go home more often and see her and my parents while they are living?! Whats wrong with me?!!
Comment by VonKwon — October 1, 2008 @ 1:23 am